The holidays, a time often filled with lots of joy, laughter, and togetherness, can be reminders of loss for those who’ve experienced the death of a loved one. As parents, we’re tasked with balancing the delicate task of upholding holiday traditions while simultaneously navigating our own grief. During this emotionally challenging time, prioritizing self-care and seeking support becomes crucial to our well-being and that of our children. We wanted to share some practical tips for making it through this holiday season while honoring your own grief and supporting your children through theirs.
Embrace the Rollercoaster of Emotions
Grief is a complex and multifaceted experience, and it’s essential to allow ourselves to feel the full spectrum of emotions, from sadness and anger to guilt and confusion. Suppressing or ignoring these emotions can hinder the healing process. Instead, embrace your feelings and find healthy ways to express them, whether it’s through journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in creative activities like painting or music.
As a parent, we can model healthy coping for our children. When you find safe ways to release your emotions and your children witness that happening, they are more likely to find healthy ways to cope themselves. Sometimes, healthy coping is simply taking a break or needing a moment to cry. Crying has been scientifically proven to aid in self-soothing. When you cry, your body releases oxytocin and endorphins and your tears may even cause a decrease in cortisol, helping you to feel good and to ease emotional pain. Other times, it requires a physical release. Moving your body can happen in many ways, including exercise, taking a crayon to a piece of paper and scribbling, jumping up and down, dancing, or going for a walk. Discussing healthy ways to express emotions can be a great topic to dive into as a family, and you can further encourage your children to engage in these activities by doing them together as a family.
Honor Your Loved One’s Memory
Find ways to incorporate and honor your loved one’s memory in your holiday celebrations. Share stories, light a candle in their memory, or engage in activities they enjoyed. Think about the things your loved one enjoyed this time of year… Maybe that’s baking lots of holiday treats, volunteering with a cause that was near and dear to their heart, or eating a specific dish during your family dinner. Use those reminders of your loved one to create special, new memories: bake some cookies, volunteer, or create a memory meal. These acts of remembrance can bring comfort and create a sense of connection despite your loved one’s physical absence.
Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care
During the holidays, social obligations and festive expectations can become overwhelming. Don’t feel pressured to participate in every event or activity. Establish clear boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Take time to engage in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation, whether it’s taking a long walk, a warm bath, or simply curling up with a good book. And remember, it’s OK to say, “No, thank you.” Talk with your family about the things that are most important and create a plan, knowing it is OK to change that plan when the time comes.
Embrace New Traditions
While traditional holiday activities may hold special meaning, it’s also okay to create new traditions that reflect your current family dynamics and honor your loved one’s memory. These new traditions can signify growth, adaptation, and the continuation of family bonds. Talk with your family members about what is possible this year and know that whatever you decide to do, even if that is to “cancel” the usual tradition altogether because it feels like too much this year, that it is OK.
Don’t Do It Alone, Seek Support
Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends, family members, and/or grief support groups can provide a safe space to share your emotions, receive validation, and gain valuable insights from others who have experienced similar losses. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey and if you need support, SandCastles is always here for anyone experiencing grief.
If you find yourself struggling to cope with grief, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance, support, and coping mechanisms tailored to your specific needs.
Remember, grief is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself time to heal, and seek support whenever needed. The holidays, though emotionally challenging, can also be an opportunity to reflect, honor your loved one’s memory, and create new traditions that carry you forward. We wish you peace and comfort as you navigate this season.