Death can be a difficult concept for children to understand. When a child experiences a death loss, it is normal for them to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. Experiencing a death loss can also lead to anxiety and worry, especially in young children who may not have a clear understanding of death.
Anxiety and worry can manifest in children in a variety of ways. Some children may have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. They may experience nightmares or have difficulty concentrating in school. Others may become withdrawn, irritable, or clingy. Some children may experience physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue.
If you notice any of these signs or symptoms in your child after a death loss, it is important to be patient and supportive. Let your child know that it is okay to feel scared, worried, or anxious. Answer their questions honestly and in a way that they can understand. Avoid sugarcoating things. Sometimes there are details surrounding a death that we feel would be “too much” to share with our children but being honest about the details and answering your child’s questions in an age-appropriate manner help to build trust.
There are several things you can do to help your child cope with anxiety and worry after a death loss. Here are a few tips:
- Create a safe and supportive environment. This means spending time with your child, listening to their concerns, and reassuring them that you love and support them. At times when you are not available, identify with your child another safe adult they can go to, whether that be a family member, friend, or teacher.
- Encourage your child to express their emotions healthily. This may involve talking about their feelings or writing in a journal.
- Help your child to identify what triggers their anxiety. What are the things that make them feel anxious or worried? Once you know their triggers, you can help them develop coping mechanisms.
- Help to teach your child relaxation techniques. Deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can all help reduce anxiety. There are great, age-appropriate videos on YouTube to walk your child through meditations and breathing techniques.
- Encourage your child to exercise regularly. Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and improve mood.
- Make sure your child is getting enough sleep. When children are well-rested, they are better able to cope with stress and anxiety.
- Eat healthy foods. Eating a nutritious diet can help to improve mood and energy levels.
- Limit screen time. Too much screen time can worsen anxiety and sleep problems.
- Seek professional help, if needed. If your child is struggling to cope with anxiety and worry, a therapist can help them develop coping skills and manage their emotions.
(These are great techniques for adults, too!)
In addition to general anxiety and worry, children who have experienced a death loss may also specifically worry about their health and the health of other loved ones. This is because death can make children feel unsafe and uncertain about the world around them, and they may worry that they or someone else they love will get sick and die.
Here are some additional tips for helping children who are specifically scared of their health and the deaths of other loved ones:
- Reassure your child that they are safe. Remind them that you are there to protect them and that you will do everything you can to keep them healthy. You can also reassure them that you are doing everything you can to stay healthy. (Like eating healthy foods, exercising, and going to the doctor when you’re sick. And even working through your anxiety and worries in healthy ways.)
- Explain to your child that death is a normal part of life, but it does not happen to everyone all at once. Remind them that many people love them and want to help them through this difficult time.
- Encourage your child to talk about their fears and concerns. Let them know that it is okay to feel scared and that you are there to listen.
- Seek professional help if needed. A therapist can help your child to understand and cope with their fears about death.
It’s important to remember that healing takes time. Be patient with your child and offer them unconditional love and support. With your help, your child will be able to learn to cope with their grief and anxiety and move forward healthily.
Remember, you are not alone. There are many resources available, including SandCastles, to help you and your child cope with grief and anxiety after a significant death.