When we think of holidays or special days, what usually comes to mind? Many may think of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa… but what about the other special days? We often forget Halloween, Fourth of July, or Valentines Day, and the list goes on. For children and adults who have experienced the death of a loved one, many days can bring back memories and can be challenging.
For instance, maybe Halloween was a special day for the person who died. They could have been a huge part of the Halloween traditions. Maybe they were the one to dress up and take the children trick or treating. Or the Fourth of July might have been the family’s favorite holiday with all the fireworks and family get togethers. Holidays can bring back memories, as can all the other annual events and special days.
When an event has meaning to you, fond memories, and the individuals you celebrated it with who are no longer here, the day or days leading up to it can bring varied emotions to those grieving. Sometimes it can sneak up in ways we did not anticipate especially if they are not what some might consider a “major” holiday.
Remember that children, just like adults, can be affected by these different emotions. Give them the chance to talk about the events and how they are feeling. This year, they might not want to partake in one of the holidays or events, and maybe you decide as a family to change it up and do something completely different than you have in the past. That is okay. Try to enjoy whatever you decide to do. That may even mean doing nothing, and that is okay, too!
Your feelings and grief on each special day or event may change from year to year. You may decide to start new traditions that bring you joy or decide each year what feels manageable. It is not that you are forgetting the person who has died, it is celebrating in a new way. Memories of the past are important as they can bring comfort, and maybe even a wave of sadness which can happen throughout our lives and grief journeys. Whatever you decide to do, or not to do, do what’s best for you and the children.