As time passes after the death of someone important, children may begin to notice changes in their grief. The intense feelings may not feel as constant, and over time, certain memories may become less clear than they once were, which can feel scary and confusing.
Alongside this shift, children may also begin to experience guilt when they find themselves having fun or feeling happy. While these feelings can be uncomfortable, they are not a sign that love is fading.
Here are some ways to support children who may be navigating these feelings.
1. Reassure Them That Love Does Not Disappear
Children may need gentle reminders that even if certain memories become less clear, their love for their person has not changed. Forgetting small details does not mean the relationship is gone. Love is not measured by how often they think about their loved one or how intensely they feel sadness.
You can remind them that the impact their person had on their life remains part of who they are, such as in the lessons they learned, the traditions they shared, and the ways they continue to grow. Grief may shift over time, but love does not disappear.
2. Create Intentional Ways to Remember
If a child is worried about forgetting, creating intentional ways to remember can offer comfort. Simple rituals and traditions can help children feel connected in ways that feel steady and meaningful.
This might include keeping a memory box with photos or small keepsakes, writing letters to their loved ones, or sharing favorite stories at the dinner table. Families might choose to cook a meal their person enjoyed, visit their favorite restaurant, or continue activities they once did together.
Returning to meaningful places or traditions can remind children that their connection is still part of their everyday lives. Even as grief changes, the love they shared remains.
3. Normalize Moments of Happiness
As children begin to experience moments of happiness again, they may feel guilty or unsure about what that means. A child may worry that feeling happy means they are moving on or forgetting their loved one, or even feel as though they do not care as much or are starting to love their person less.
It can be helpful to remind them that joy and grief can exist at the same time. Feeling happy does not erase love or mean they miss their person any less.
As grief shifts over time, moments of lightness are a natural part of healing, and allowing space for happiness does not mean their love has disappeared.
4. Encourage Open Conversation
Children may not always say out loud that they are afraid of forgetting or feeling guilty for being happy. These worries can show up through questions, sudden sadness, or changes in behavior.
Creating space for open and honest conversations can help children feel less alone in what they are experiencing. Gently checking in, listening without trying to fix their feelings, and reassuring them that their emotions are normal can make a meaningful difference.
When children feel safe talking about both their memories and their moments of happiness, they learn that love can remain present even as life continues to grow around their loss.