The holiday season can be incredibly busy, exciting, exhausting, and everything in between. When you add on grieving the death of a loved one, it can make the holidays 10x harder to get through. Every holiday after a death is hard. No matter how many holidays have passed without your person, you always think about what could be different if they were here. However, there are some things that you could do this holiday season that may help you get through the hard moments without your person.
Share Memories Of Your Person
One good way to keep their memory alive is by talking about your favorite holiday memories of your person and all the fun things you used to do before they died. Beyond sharing the holiday memories–share every memory that will make you laugh or smile or just think about them. Celebrating is an important part of the holidays, and sharing stories about your person is a great way to celebrate their memory and influence on your life. It may even snowball into everyone sharing stories, and you learn things you had never heard before, sometimes making things even better.
Change The Tradition
Change the tradition if it doesn’t feel right to do the things you used to do with your person. You can modify a tradition so it still honors your person’s memory while becoming something new. Just because they aren’t there physically doesn’t mean they aren’t silently there. If your tradition was making gingerbread houses, maybe this year, try making holiday cookies to give to family and friends. This way, you are still making memories and honoring your person by spreading joy through a tradition you started with them.
Create New Traditions
You can also start new traditions. This doesn’t mean you are forgetting or leaving your person behind; it just means you want to make new traditions to remember in years to come. You can try things you have never done before, including driving around and seeing lights and decorations or creating new decorations or cards to share with family and friends. These new traditions can be fun and might be distracting for a moment so that you can enjoy the holiday spirit.
Help Decorate
Everyone helping to decorate the entire house will bring people together and help them to get in on the magic and the fun of the holidays. In decorating together, you will enjoy those around you while leaving space to remember your person as you pull out their favorite decorations.
Donate a Gift in Their Honor
Another way to honor their memory is to donate in their name, adopt a family for the holidays, or donate to a charity you know they would have loved the mission. The holidays are about giving back where and if you can. So, helping others can be an amazing way to show how much love you have for your person.
Honor Your Person
Creating space for your person is a simple way to honor them and remember their influence. You can set a place for them at dinner and have everyone share something they love about them. This will make it feel like they are there with you and sitting with you during dinner. Making a craft to keep around the house with their picture and name on it is a symbolic act that dedicates space to them, like lighting a candle in their memory every night.
Opt-Out of the Holiday
Lastly, if all these things seem too hard to bear this year because it’s too much, know you can opt-out. It’s okay to say something is too much for you and painful for you. Being surrounded by friends and family during this time can be helpful but can also be overwhelming. If you do attend, you can choose how to participate. Sitting around the table, listening to everyone talk, or simply being present during events and not talking is perfectly okay. If this is all you can do this year, know you are doing enough.
There is no ‘right way’ to spend the holidays after losing someone. Since grief is so individual, everyone comes up with their unique ways of dealing with the pain that comes with the holidays after losing a loved one. Stay surrounded by your friends and family and tell them how to help and support you through hard and difficult times. Not every year will be easy to get through; some years will be easier than others. It is important to know that taking time to honor your person and your grief will give you more tools to get through the harder moments. This will allow you to celebrate the holiday season and your person.